Chinese jump rope and She-Ra

My journey to health actually started long before The Abs Diet or green smoothies.

As a toddler, I remember being vibrant and carefree, as many children are. I played with Barbie dolls, She-Ra and Wonder Woman were my heroines. I wanted to be like them. I often binge-watched My Little Pony and Care Bears, and I had the biggest crush on Lion-O of Thundercats. In grade school, I became a serious Chinese jump rope competitor among my equally competitive Asian classmates. I felt so alive. 

While children’s behaviors differ based on their individual background, society would typically associate my childhood experiences with that of little girls. Although I had always felt I was female, there was a disconnect on the outside. You see, I was assigned male at birth, along with my fraternal twin brother. I didn’t have the vocabulary to self-identify back then, but I knew that I was different, despite feeling like my true self.

Soul-searching

The subsequent years presented internal struggles with my identity. I was teased and made fun-of by family, relatives and classmates because of my effeminate behavior as a “little boy.” In the sixth grade during lunch at the cafeteria, I remember overhearing some of my brother’s friends talking about my proclivities for girly things (i.e. playing jump rope all the time with girls). I felt ashamed and embarrassed and I made a vow to myself to “tone down” my femininity to avoid future bullying. From that point forward, I suppressed any behavior or self-expression that the world would typically deem girly. 

To make a rather long story short, I didn’t come to terms with my gender identity until my late thirties. Despite having thoughts that I was “too old” to make a life-changing move, I knew that I would be unhappy had I continued living the way I did. After many repressive years of shame and soul-searching, I finally came out as a transgender female. If you’re not familiar, the term “transgender” or simply “trans,” describes a person whose assigned gender at birth is not aligned with their true gender identity (e.g. male, female, gender-queer, non-binary, plus others).

Making the decision to live in my truth was probably the hardest yet most rewarding choice I’ve ever had to make. Going through the motions with a block in my heart was no longer serving me. I realized that feeling and choosing to be stuck prevented me from living the healthiest and best life I knew I deserved. And, once again after a very long time, I feel alive.

My Gut Said Yes

I was hesitant at first to include this deeply personal part of my life in my bio. However, I realized that I not only want to be transparent and authentic, but I also want to show you that health is a beautiful, colorful spectrum of everything we experience beyond the plate, stethoscope or treadmill. In fact, it’s often the struggles we have beyond what we eat that keep many of us from living the best version of ourselves. Whether it’s in our careers, relationships, finances or home environment, it’s our own thoughts about our circumstances that always dictate our realities.

I believe that life is about growing and evolving. I followed my gut (and heart) by acknowledging, accepting, and embracing my inner truth with love and compassion, and living authentically as ME. Doing so gave me the mental and spiritual capacity to address other areas in my life that needed attention, such as my symptoms of fatigue, headaches and digestive issues.

The next time you’re feeling stuck and unable to move forward, think about that one thing that seems to always weigh you down. Pay attention, get curious and ask yourself the difficult questions (e.g. How am I contributing to this obstacle? Do I even want to change? Am I living in the present or stuck in the past?). Make sure you like your answers and if you don’t, why or why not?

Release all judgement and know that only you have the power to be who you want to be.